Done Excellently

My maternal grandmother is on the far right.

"Why do moms have to be so judgy and shaming of one another?" my daughter asked me recently. "They need to just leave each other alone and let them raise their kids their way."

She's not wrong. Ayla has had a few friends recently who have had babies. As new moms, they are learning the ropes of feeding, sleep schedules, diaper changing, clothing, what certain cries mean and how to best protect their newborns. They are searching the internet, reading books, watching videos and asking their mom or friends who are moms what they do for all the above. Some nurse their children till they're 2 years old. Some only a few weeks. Some start their babies on solid foods at 6 months. Some at 4 months. Some have babies sleeping through the night. Others are feeding their children a few times a night. Some use disposable diapers and others cloth. Some let anyone hold their new baby, while others ask if you've washed your hands or - these days - if you've been vaccinated. I've yet to see the book or person that gets it perfect. Every mother is different, as is every child. I know with my first baby I was a bit more careful and particular than with the second baby. I was more comfortable in my mommy skin and knew a bit better what to expect.

My daughter & newborn son.

But Ayla is right in that people can be opinionated about how other people raise their children. I know for me, it was about discipline. If I heard a parent comment that they felt guilty about disciplining their child, my eyes would roll. "These children are not your friends. They are your children. They need to know their boundaries. For crying out loud, tell them "no." And while I still am big on discipline, I have realized over the years there are different ways of doing so. Some are quicker and more effective than others, but there are lots of adults walking around with defined boundaries whose parents had completely different approaches. Nonetheless, in those early years I had my opinions about what I thought was the best way.

 Motherhood is a tough job. It requires sacrifice, patience, persistence, grace, energy, creativity, routine, lots of love and rest any chance it can get. It is an unpaid position required to provide the emotional, spiritual and physical needs for offspring until they move out (and for some that can be later than preferred and for others, too soon). It's paid for in hugs-n-kisses and results. And personally, I think it's the greatest job there is. It was exhausting, and there were days I wished someone would come get them to give me a day off, but it was so rewarding and exhilarating at the same time. And I would not trade it for anything in the world.

They grew up too fast.

Moms are doing the best they can with what they know and learn. Can we gently offer ideas for moms to make their job a bit easier, sure. But to criticize how another mom does it is certainly not helping. We moms need to support and encourage one another. We need to observe how other moms do it to learn what works, what doesn't and how many different ways it can be done. You may shake your head at what other moms do, but don't knock it. It just may be the best way.

Best Mom Ever.

Courage, moms. I see you. I know you are tired. I know you are frustrated at times. I know you would love a break now and again. Hang in there. Those babies will grow up very soon. Very, very soon. And you will wish these days were back. Enjoy every second from the challenges to the milestones and the tears to the cuddles. This Sunday may you be embraced and heralded, showered with gifts, cards, flowers, feasts and family. May your children rise up and call you blessed (Prov. 31:28). 

And to my Mom - who did it perfectly - I love you so very much. What an example you are to me. What a beautiful friend you have been to me. How generous you have been with your prayers and love. How grateful I am that you asked God how to raise me, because you obviously listened. Have the Best, Happiest, Most Wonderful Mother's Day! Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. (Prov. 31:29)