A Chance to Die

I remember crying the first time I heard this quote. It was in the 2006 movie "The Last Holiday" starring Queen Latifah. She played a woman who learns she's got just weeks to live. She says while looking in the mirror at herself: "Next time, we will laugh more, we'll love more, we just won't be so afraid."

For the last year or so, I've been afraid. Paralyzed with fear, actually. I went through a period in my life of doing something the Lord asked me to and got spiritually pummeled for it. I was beaten down so badly, that I withdrew from a lot I'd invested in, because it was safer not to try. You don't get hurt when you don't step out, was my rational.

Today I read two devotions that brought me to tears again. One was from the Upper Room for April 29, 2010 by Ebenezer R. Vedamuthu. It spoke about obeying God to "move into deeper waters" like Peter did in Luke 5:4. It asked: "How will we respond when God calls us to go deeper? Will we stay where we feel comfortable and safe, in shallow waters ... or are we ready to put our hand trustingly in God's and venture into greater spiritual depths? The reward will be worth it - a richer, more intimate walk with God and a more abundant life."

The second came from Our Daily Bread. In the April 28 devotion by Anne Cetas she tells the story of Amy Carmichael, a missionary in India for 55 years. When asked about her life, Amy responded: "Missionary life is simply a chance to die." It was then I started weeping.

I have commented often that I cannot wait to get to Paradise to be with the Father. Truly, I can completely relate when Paul says in Phil. 1:21, "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." The problem was, I was forgetting to live.

While walking today, God is His perfectness, had a song come up on my ipod I've heard countless times. It's called "The Untitled Hymn" or "Come to Jesus." The song tells of a true spiritual journey ... sin, burdens, fear, loneliness, pain, storms, love, joy and eternal life with Christ. What I don't think I noticed before was that every single stanza ends with the same word ... live. "Fall on Jesus and live!" "Come to Jesus and live." "Cry to Jesus and live." "Dance for Jesus and live. "Sing to Jesus and live." "Fly to Jesus and live." In many ways, I'd forgotten about the living part.

A missionary's life is simply a chance to die. Every one of us is a missionary, whether in some other country in the world speaking to the children of God, or in our homes, workplaces, churches and communities. Everywhere we are is our mission field. If we are paralyzed with fear to step out into paths the Father leads us, we are missing out on prime missionary opportunities. And, yes, we're gonna fall and fail. But isn't that what living for Christ is about! It's a chance to die! Die to self for Jesus for His Kingdom, for His children. The Our Daily Bread devotion brought up Matt. 16:25 "Whoever desires to save his life with lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

It's time to start living again.

[image: Untitled Hymn/Come to Jesus by Chris Rice]

Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

I know it's been a long time since you've received a letter from me ,,, years and years. I've been very busy. Busy with life, as always. Enjoying my husband that you love and approve of so much. Enjoying my precious children and their growth and changes. Busy with home and job. And, of course, devoted to church just as you exemplified.

I'm writing to tell you about my garden! I can't tell you how much I enjoy digging in the earth, planting seedlings, watering, weeding, watching everything grow and then enjoying the harvest. I just love it! This year, I planted tomatoes, corn, green beans (which the bunnies seem to be leaving alone thus far), spinach, herbs like thyme, basil, cilantro and lemon mint and, most recently, asparagus crowns. They are two year old crowns, so it will be a year before I can enjoy that harvest. But you know I got my love of asparagus from my father who in turn got it from your father. He has told me often about Great-Grandpa's fresh asparagus for breakfast every morning when he visited as a child. I can't wait for that myself! I remember how much you love gardening, Grandma. I remember how in every letter you wrote me while growing up, you told me about your garden, everything you planted, how you were caring for it.

Which comes to the second reason for my letter today ... an apology. I remember being bored out of my mind when reading those letters. I used to think to myself, "Is that all she'll talk about is that garden?" I am so sorry for thinking that. Because, Grandma, I would so love to receive a letter from you today about your garden. I would love to get your advice on mine! Matter of fact, I would love to garden with you, dig in the dirt and watch with joy the fruit of our labor. I'm so sorry I didn't appreciate those letters when I had them.

Grandma, I'm sure you are delighting in the greatest garden of all time now, surrounded by beauty I cannot even imagine. I truly cannot wait to see what you see. Until then, I will put on my overalls and gardening gloves, grab my shovel and gladly continue to till our Father's earth. And I will share this love with my children and, hopefully someday, my grandchildren. And they will probably get bored when my letters go on about my garden. But you know, Grandma, I won't mind. Because when I write those parts, I'll be thinking of you, knowing someday, they may enjoy what we have both had so much fun with. And planting seeds not just for a garden, but for the many other things you helped grow in me.

I love you, Grandma, and miss you ... really miss you. Give Grandpa and Jesus a hug for me.

Love, Jill

Greater Works Than These

Brad and I had a rummage sale in February to rid ourselves of a bunch of stuff we just didn't need anymore or couldn't fit into our Alabama home. I truly hate to hold rummage sales because it's so much work for so little profit, typically. But we went ahead with what I'll now call our very last rummage sale ever.

We selected the date making sure that it would not rain that day. With all we had, we knew we couldn't keep it all under shelter. It was a brisk day, but no rain was on the horizon. Then we saw it, off in the northwest, a dark forboding front headed our way. It started sprinkling, then sprinkling harder. I couldn't believe our luck. I started praying something like this "Come on, Lord, are you kidding?" I quick ran in the house to grab some towels and sheets to cover everything and prevent as much water damage as possible, and the sprinkles kept coming. As I saw no break in the clouds, I remembered Jesus' words in Mark 11:23 "Truly, I tell you, if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and if you do not doubt in your heart, but believe that what you say will come to pass, it will be done for you." And I also remembered John 14:12: "Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these because I am going to the Father."

I remembered those great works of Christ: healings, multiplications of fish and bread, water to wine, raising the dead ... and calming storms. So with confidence I said, "In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I rebuke you storm. You cannot rain here." It continued sprinkling. I looked up to Heaven and said grumbling, "Thanks, a lot."

Brad suddenly ran out of the house. "You would not believe what I just saw! I went to the Weather Channel website and typed in our address to see how much more of this storm was headed our direction. There was a huge red spot on the radar headed right for us. It suddenly made an abrupt turn, went around our street, then got back into the same path it had before and headed south."

My jaw dropped. A beastly storm was headed right for our rummage sale, and the Father knocked it out of the way. Those sprinkles, which lasted only a few more seconds, were nothing compared to what we could have had. God had answered my prayer in a mighty way. Jesus was right.

Jesus was right! Do you see the significance of this? In Christ's name, me, Jill Zimanek, wife, mom, sinful human, stopped a storm! Christ said we could do greater things than what He did on earth if we believed so that God would be glorified through Him. This morning I realized I'd shared that story with several people, but not to the extent that God's children should have heard. Now isn't that something worth glorifying Him for! He makes promises and keeps them. He loves us. He truly is the coolest God ever. Praise you, Almighty Father!

We can move mountains in Christ's name ... just believe.

Complete Coverage

Experience has taught our family that anytime you are at the beach, cover yourself from head to toe in sunscreen ... and I mean head to toe. Before even stepping out on the sand, our backs, faces, the part in our hair, ears, tops of our feet and even under the fabric edge of our swimsuits are covered in sunscreen. I use 85 spf. At the very least, we're rubbing 30 spf on. When we get sweaty or wet from the salty sea, we reapply. We're religious about it.

That doesn't mean we don't miss spots, however. The end of the day is quite revealing as we may have missed the spot under our forearm, the left side of our neck or even our knees. Once Ayla put her own lotion on her back and you could see her handprint where she stopped putting sunscreen on. Sure enough, those spots we missed are bright red and hot to the touch. It's interesting that something that only takes a few minutes to do saves us days of pain, not to mention the potential for skin cancer.

Applying sunscreen to prevent burn is similar to arming ourselves spiritually. We need to be sure to cover everything. Are we praying regularly? Are we immersing ourselves in Scripture? Are we worshipping regularly? Are we surrounding ourselves with believers? Are we reaching out in Christian love to God's children? Are we telling others about the grace of God? This time of focusing on our Lord is not for His benefit ... it's for ours. This world is trying everyday to get us to become of it and not just in it, to push our Christianity to the side and embrace whatever culture throws at us. Satan hunts for the unprotected spots; the places where we allow temptation to lure us. It's a never-ending battle, but God promises us that if we obey Him and keep the faith, we will be victorious.

I once saw a church sign that read: "Applying Sonscreen prevents burning." Indeed it does. It's certainly worth the time to apply it ... preventing a burn that doesn't just last a few days.

Even Nature Knows

For years we have traveled to Garden City, SC, to the condo of a dear friend, to enjoy our favorite vacation spot during Spring Break. We spend the week swimming in the ocean, collecting shells, sunbathing, building sandcastles, watching the dolphins leap by, feeding seagulls, avoiding jellyfish, delighting in sun and moonrises, catching anoles, starfish and coquinos, flying kites, playing football, frisbee or bocci or just praying, walking and breathing in the Good Lord at the ocean shore. We love to be there.

Typically when we go it falls on Holy Week. With Easter coming the Sunday following the first full moon after the spring equinox, we always get to see the full moon rise red out of the ocean then hover over a calm sea ... once with a halo and moonlight reflection in the ocean that looked like the cross of Christ.

But with all the fun we're having at the beach, often times we forget it's Holy Week. Never Easter, of course, but Maundy Thursday to celebrate the Last Supper and Good Friday often would succumb to sunny days at the beach, seafood buffets and late night dips in the hot tub.

Until one year we got a nice reminder from nature about the significance of the holiday. In 1999, we visited Garden City with Brad's parents and brother's family. We were having a great time together and the weather was so cooperative giving us warm temperatures and lots of sunshine. This particular Good Friday we were out on the beach as usual when suddenly a fog rolled in ... nothing like we'd ever seen before. It came out of nowhere thickly settling over the beach. It was so dense, we couldn't see the water anymore from our beach chairs. Brad and Anton were trying to play football and were having trouble seeing each other to catch. Looking at the time we noticed something interesting ... it was noon. We headed up to the condo to wait out the fog. And promptly at 3 p.m, it lifted. But the rest of the day remained gloomy. When we realized the fog was from noon-3 p.m, we realized the significance.

Luke 23:44-46 says: "It was now about noon and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon while the sun's light failed and the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Then Jesus crying with a loud voice said, "Father into your hands I commend my spirit." Having said this He breathed His last."

Good Friday was very different for us that day. We all took notice of what nature was trying to remind us: an innocent man suffered and died on a cross nearly 2,000 years before for our salvation. God came down from His throne in Heaven to die for us. That is some profound kind of love. It was overwhelming and deep for us all. And we have never forgot it.

Likewise, we have not forgotten our sunrise service on the beach one Easter morning a few years ago. As the seagulls began to cry with the dawn, the sun just peaking over the horizon, we burst into singing my favorite hymn, "Jesus Christ is Risen Today." The church we worshiped with that morning had a large wooden cross standing in the sand and the sun rose behind it. I took a picture of that moment and it's on this blog page all the time. It was a beautiful, breathtaking moment in time.

I am grateful to God for these reminders in nature of the importance of the events that week. A horrifying death ... and triumphant, glorious life!

Seeing Stars

The first time I saw one, I thought they were so cool looking. The first time I stepped on one barefoot, I screeched in pain. The first time I stepped on one in my shoe and rolled my ankle I thought, "What good, exactly, is this thing?"

I'm talking about the sweet gum seed pods. They are spikey, round, hard pods about an inch or so in diameter that carry the seeds of the sweet gum tree. The Good Lord created them with this hard spikey outer shell to protect the more tender sweet gum seeds within.

The sweet gum tree is a beautiful hardwood native to the Southeast with leaves shaped like stars that turn purple, gold and red in the fall. Interestingly, its seed pods are star-like as well. Spray-painted gold and covered with glitter, they could make great Christmas ornaments, but step on one just once and you'll curse the tree they came from.

When I'm out for a walk and find them in my path, I kick them away to prevent others from accidently stepping on them. I've heard of people putting the seed pods in places they don't want dogs or cats to go to keep them away. Others plant them around garden seedlings underground to keep away slugs.

These sweet gum pods remind me of a few people I know. Not in appearance, mind you, but in personality when it comes to hearing about Jesus Christ. Hard, spiky folks rejecting the gift of grace. I've talked to a few of them about Christ only to get turned away, sometimes with nasty comments questioning my intelligence in an invisible God. I press on in faith - hopefully with gentleness and reverence as 1 Peter 3:16 says and not the passionate directness I more likely employ - in efforts to open their hearts to the mercy of the Almighty and salvation. I know the seeds are there within them, so I pray for them regularly, hoping the Lord finds another to water, soften and get them to grow in Him.

Every single person on this Earth is God's child. We, as Christians, need to find ways of loving them, praying for them and gently sharing the love of Christ with them. We also need to be prepared and educated enough to answer their questions as 1 Peter says a verse prior to the one above. It's what we're required to do, according to Matthew 28:19-20.

I know I'll encounter more and more sweet gum seed pods as they drop in my back woods, in the yard, on sidewalks ... and spiritually in my life. I'll be prepared for the latter with the Word in hopes they hear it, embrace Jesus and grow into strong Christian soldiers who will "shine like stars in the world" [Phil 2:14] ... without the spray paint and glitter.

Good As New

This morning as I was changing my sheets, I noticed a large split in the seam of my fitted gold sheet nearly top to bottom. I'd seen the hole earlier, but this morning knew something had to be done. Pre-Recession, I might have just trashed it and got another fitted sheet to match. However, luxury is not a word in our vocabulary right now. So I got out the sewing kit and in 30 minutes the seam was repaired. As I put the sheet on the bed, I noticed an opposite seam splitting. So rather than wait until it got worse, I repaired it as well. The fitted sheet was as good as new.

Later in the morning, I went to put on a pair of copper loop earrings when I noticed how tarnished they were. My first thought was trash them, but instead I got my jewelry cleaner and polished them up as good as new.

It was then I realized how disposable I'd become in my thinking. If something had become less than perfect it was time to throw it away and get something new.

Then I saw my palm tree. I think it may be dying. Just recently we were hit with a stretch of temperatures in the teens. When I bought my palm tree last summer it said, "Hardy to 20 degrees." Knowing our bitter temperatures of late could be detrimental to the palm tree, I covered it each night to keep off the frost. The first few nights it seemed to do okay, but two days ago the fronds started dropping. I cut off the fronds that snapped to the ground. Then I prayed to God to save what is left of the tree. I love to look at my palm tree. It makes me smile. And it's not something I want to toss or replace. I'm doing what I can to help it, but wondering if the palm will grow and thrive.

When I think of my many faults and weaknesses, I wonder if the Lord ever says to Himself, "Time to toss her and replace." I do think a time will come when He does just that, but for now, He's sewing seams, polishing what's tarnished, cutting off what's dead in me and hoping I will grow and thrive. I hope with the years left in me, I can be useful for God's Kingdom, growing it and sharing our Father's love with the lost and lonely. All of us, no matter how used, worn and broken, can be healed by the Father ... good as new. Praise our Lord Jesus for that!