So Very, Very Loved

Last April on a Friday when I was praying for 30 minutes during a prayer vigil for the Kairos Prison Ministry weekend that my husband was lay director of, I tried something different in my prayer time. Instead of uplifting all these inmates in prayer and talking to God about them, I instead asked God to do the talking.

With a list of their names beside me, I prayed for each one by name, asking the Lord to tell me what I needed to pray for them. He would reveal words or images to me, so I wrote them down next to the person's name. When Brad came home that Friday night, I showed him the list and said, "This is what the Lord wants you to pray for for these men." As he read over the list, his jaw dropped. Many of the things I had written down, I couldn't possibly know because I hadn't met the men, but he said the prayers were dead on about them. Some he didn't know. For example next to one man's name I wrote: "He misses his Mom." Brad went up to him the next day and hugged him saying, "I know you miss your Mom. I'm praying for you." The guy just stared at him and walked away. Later in the day, he asked Brad how he knew that, then explained that his mother had been paralyzed years before, couldn't come visit him in prison and that it was his birthday that day. It was a confirmation for Brad and me about that prayer time.

Brad shared the prayers I had written down with several of the other inmates over the weekend as well. When several other men were added to the weekend, he asked me that next day to pray for them. One kind of interested me when the Lord had me write the word "energy" next to his name. I thought that was strange. Was I supposed to pray for energy for him? At closing when this man went to the podium to tell what the weekend had meant to him he said, "What amazed me most about this weekend was the energy I have felt from all of you." I nearly fell out of my seat, and tears rolled down my cheeks. Apparently he needed to feel that energy from the people there that day. It was such a profound experience for me from a prayer standpoint, and I have reexamined the way I pray. I am usually a talker with the Father. I decided I need to make a better attempt at being the listener. But since that weekend, I hadn't prayed that way.

Last Wednesday Brad went back to the prison for a visit. One of the inmates went up to him and explained that his wife had gone through the Kairos Outside weekend for spouses of inmates. It helps them better understand the changes in the lives of the inmates after a Kairos weekend. The inmate walked up to Brad and handed him a slip of paper with the name of his wife, Shantel, on it. He said his wife had an amazing weekend and he wanted me to pray for her to get a message from God about her.

I have to say, I was a little uncomfortable with this request. I hadn't prayed like I did that Friday night in April since then, so I wasn't sure the Father would necessarily give me a message about Shantel. But I promised Brad I would pray for her.

A couple days ago, I sat in my office on the bed in there to pray for Shantel. It was a dark cloudy day. As I prayed, with my eyes shut, I saw light. Lots of it.

I opened my eyes to see the low-hanging sun peaking through the clouds and beaming right on me through a soft steady rain. I thought how beautiful it was, then went back to praying as the clouds covered it back up again. As I started to pray for Shantel again, it happened again, the sun burst through the clouds right on me. Then I felt it. "It's a time of steady soft rain for her, but she will be a light through it all. And there is a promise." That was it. I wrote it down and went back to pray as the clouds covered the sun back up. But as I prayed, I thought "Lord what if that was just a coincidence - that whole sun thing. Is there something else you have for her?" And the sun burst through yet once again on me. The Lord likes to work in threes with me. Apparently, I am not easily convinced a first, or even second, time. And then the Lord did something for me that had never happened before. For just a brief moment, seconds even, He allowed me to feel the love He has for Shantel. And it was overwhelming. I started to cry. Oh my, how He loves her! An all encompassing, fill-your-heart-to-overflowing love that just surrounded me, made me feel safe, special, embraced. I wept as I realized this is how He feels about every single one of us. How blessed we are that God loves us so very, very much! Christ coming for us made complete sense to me in those moments. He loves us that much.

After this moment of worship with Him, I went back to praying, saying "God is this what you want me to tell Shantel? I just want to be sure I have it, that I'm not imagining all this." And the Father spoke to my heart, "Close your Bible, Jill. That is it."

It was my closest moment to Christ this week. To feel the love He has for her. To open my heart to God's direction. Let me tell you, there is nothing like it. We need to open ourselves to the Almighty. He wants to use us. He wants us to be willing recipients of His Word, direction and love. We just need to be available for it.

I think it's about time I started praying that way more often. I look forward to hearing what He has to say next. Open your heart to Him. He's waiting.