A Chance to Die

I remember crying the first time I heard this quote. It was in the 2006 movie "The Last Holiday" starring Queen Latifah. She played a woman who learns she's got just weeks to live. She says while looking in the mirror at herself: "Next time, we will laugh more, we'll love more, we just won't be so afraid."

For the last year or so, I've been afraid. Paralyzed with fear, actually. I went through a period in my life of doing something the Lord asked me to and got spiritually pummeled for it. I was beaten down so badly, that I withdrew from a lot I'd invested in, because it was safer not to try. You don't get hurt when you don't step out, was my rational.

Today I read two devotions that brought me to tears again. One was from the Upper Room for April 29, 2010 by Ebenezer R. Vedamuthu. It spoke about obeying God to "move into deeper waters" like Peter did in Luke 5:4. It asked: "How will we respond when God calls us to go deeper? Will we stay where we feel comfortable and safe, in shallow waters ... or are we ready to put our hand trustingly in God's and venture into greater spiritual depths? The reward will be worth it - a richer, more intimate walk with God and a more abundant life."

The second came from Our Daily Bread. In the April 28 devotion by Anne Cetas she tells the story of Amy Carmichael, a missionary in India for 55 years. When asked about her life, Amy responded: "Missionary life is simply a chance to die." It was then I started weeping.

I have commented often that I cannot wait to get to Paradise to be with the Father. Truly, I can completely relate when Paul says in Phil. 1:21, "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." The problem was, I was forgetting to live.

While walking today, God is His perfectness, had a song come up on my ipod I've heard countless times. It's called "The Untitled Hymn" or "Come to Jesus." The song tells of a true spiritual journey ... sin, burdens, fear, loneliness, pain, storms, love, joy and eternal life with Christ. What I don't think I noticed before was that every single stanza ends with the same word ... live. "Fall on Jesus and live!" "Come to Jesus and live." "Cry to Jesus and live." "Dance for Jesus and live. "Sing to Jesus and live." "Fly to Jesus and live." In many ways, I'd forgotten about the living part.

A missionary's life is simply a chance to die. Every one of us is a missionary, whether in some other country in the world speaking to the children of God, or in our homes, workplaces, churches and communities. Everywhere we are is our mission field. If we are paralyzed with fear to step out into paths the Father leads us, we are missing out on prime missionary opportunities. And, yes, we're gonna fall and fail. But isn't that what living for Christ is about! It's a chance to die! Die to self for Jesus for His Kingdom, for His children. The Our Daily Bread devotion brought up Matt. 16:25 "Whoever desires to save his life with lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

It's time to start living again.

[image: Untitled Hymn/Come to Jesus by Chris Rice]

Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

I know it's been a long time since you've received a letter from me ,,, years and years. I've been very busy. Busy with life, as always. Enjoying my husband that you love and approve of so much. Enjoying my precious children and their growth and changes. Busy with home and job. And, of course, devoted to church just as you exemplified.

I'm writing to tell you about my garden! I can't tell you how much I enjoy digging in the earth, planting seedlings, watering, weeding, watching everything grow and then enjoying the harvest. I just love it! This year, I planted tomatoes, corn, green beans (which the bunnies seem to be leaving alone thus far), spinach, herbs like thyme, basil, cilantro and lemon mint and, most recently, asparagus crowns. They are two year old crowns, so it will be a year before I can enjoy that harvest. But you know I got my love of asparagus from my father who in turn got it from your father. He has told me often about Great-Grandpa's fresh asparagus for breakfast every morning when he visited as a child. I can't wait for that myself! I remember how much you love gardening, Grandma. I remember how in every letter you wrote me while growing up, you told me about your garden, everything you planted, how you were caring for it.

Which comes to the second reason for my letter today ... an apology. I remember being bored out of my mind when reading those letters. I used to think to myself, "Is that all she'll talk about is that garden?" I am so sorry for thinking that. Because, Grandma, I would so love to receive a letter from you today about your garden. I would love to get your advice on mine! Matter of fact, I would love to garden with you, dig in the dirt and watch with joy the fruit of our labor. I'm so sorry I didn't appreciate those letters when I had them.

Grandma, I'm sure you are delighting in the greatest garden of all time now, surrounded by beauty I cannot even imagine. I truly cannot wait to see what you see. Until then, I will put on my overalls and gardening gloves, grab my shovel and gladly continue to till our Father's earth. And I will share this love with my children and, hopefully someday, my grandchildren. And they will probably get bored when my letters go on about my garden. But you know, Grandma, I won't mind. Because when I write those parts, I'll be thinking of you, knowing someday, they may enjoy what we have both had so much fun with. And planting seeds not just for a garden, but for the many other things you helped grow in me.

I love you, Grandma, and miss you ... really miss you. Give Grandpa and Jesus a hug for me.

Love, Jill

Greater Works Than These

Brad and I had a rummage sale in February to rid ourselves of a bunch of stuff we just didn't need anymore or couldn't fit into our Alabama home. I truly hate to hold rummage sales because it's so much work for so little profit, typically. But we went ahead with what I'll now call our very last rummage sale ever.

We selected the date making sure that it would not rain that day. With all we had, we knew we couldn't keep it all under shelter. It was a brisk day, but no rain was on the horizon. Then we saw it, off in the northwest, a dark forboding front headed our way. It started sprinkling, then sprinkling harder. I couldn't believe our luck. I started praying something like this "Come on, Lord, are you kidding?" I quick ran in the house to grab some towels and sheets to cover everything and prevent as much water damage as possible, and the sprinkles kept coming. As I saw no break in the clouds, I remembered Jesus' words in Mark 11:23 "Truly, I tell you, if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and if you do not doubt in your heart, but believe that what you say will come to pass, it will be done for you." And I also remembered John 14:12: "Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these because I am going to the Father."

I remembered those great works of Christ: healings, multiplications of fish and bread, water to wine, raising the dead ... and calming storms. So with confidence I said, "In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I rebuke you storm. You cannot rain here." It continued sprinkling. I looked up to Heaven and said grumbling, "Thanks, a lot."

Brad suddenly ran out of the house. "You would not believe what I just saw! I went to the Weather Channel website and typed in our address to see how much more of this storm was headed our direction. There was a huge red spot on the radar headed right for us. It suddenly made an abrupt turn, went around our street, then got back into the same path it had before and headed south."

My jaw dropped. A beastly storm was headed right for our rummage sale, and the Father knocked it out of the way. Those sprinkles, which lasted only a few more seconds, were nothing compared to what we could have had. God had answered my prayer in a mighty way. Jesus was right.

Jesus was right! Do you see the significance of this? In Christ's name, me, Jill Zimanek, wife, mom, sinful human, stopped a storm! Christ said we could do greater things than what He did on earth if we believed so that God would be glorified through Him. This morning I realized I'd shared that story with several people, but not to the extent that God's children should have heard. Now isn't that something worth glorifying Him for! He makes promises and keeps them. He loves us. He truly is the coolest God ever. Praise you, Almighty Father!

We can move mountains in Christ's name ... just believe.